If you’ve read any of my stuff, you know by now that I’m a problem solver. If I see something that’s broken, I can’t help but fix it.
Here’s an example.
I was riding my bike listening to a rerun of American Top 40. I heard a song by Naked Eyes called “Always Something There to Remind Me”. I’ve heard and sung the song hundreds of times over the past few decades. But on that day, I really listened to it. The first line goes like this:
“I walk along the city streets you used to walk along with me.”
Now, as opening lines go, that’s pretty good. But I realized I could make it better. Here’s my improved version:
“I walk alone the city streets you used to walk along with me.”
That’s better, right? “Walk along” doesn’t tell you if he’s by himself or with another person. By changing “along” to “alone”, I’m able to convey more relevant information and emotion using the same number of words.
The lyrics were first sung by Sandie Shaw in 1965. 56 years later, I made them better.
You’re welcome.
Encouraged by that success, I decided to focus my considerable talents on another pressing issue.
The homosexual community needs a new brand. They have “LGBTQIA” (they keep adding letters but I’m going to work with what we have today), which, according to the UC Davis LGBTQIA Resource Center, stands for “Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Intersex, Asexual”.
But, LGBTQIA is a mouthful (no pun intended). That’s seven syllables. In a language where “I am” needed to be shortened to “I’m”, seven syllables just won’t do. We need some way to shorten LGBTQIA and still retain the original meaning. As a problem solver, and linguistic genius, I’m up to the challenge and willing to give it a try.
As acronyms go, LGBTQIA is horrible. It can’t be pronounced. We need something that sort of just rolls off of your tongue (again, no pun intended). So, I took a lesson from the folks who gave us the term “Jeep”, the United States Military.
In the second world war, the army used a general-purpose vehicle designated as “GP” (for “general purpose”). But, two syllables was simply way too long so, instead of saying “G-P”, they started pronouncing the two letters and it became “jeep”. The point is, there is a lot of leeway allowed when creating pronounceable acronyms. I can work with that.
Looking at LGBTQIA, the first thing I realized is that there doesn’t seem to be any sense to the order of the letters. It started out as “LGBT” in 1988. Later they added the “Q” and finally, to be even more inclusive, “IA”.
Since the letters are just tacked on as they invent new terms, their order can’t be important. Now, there could be some pecking order that defines being Lesbian as better than being GBTQIA. But if there is, I’m unaware of it.
So, I thought, what if I simply rearranged the letters? Unfortunately, even with my mad Scrabble skills, I wasn’t able to come up with a word that would work.
Then I had a brainstorm, I stuck LGBTQIA in an anagram generator and came up with “GLIBTAQ” (pronounced “glib-tack”).
That’s perfect. I changed an unpronounceable string of seven characters into a two-syllable word that conveys the same meaning. What’s more, glibtaq can be added to the Official Scrabble Dictionary, and we can all feel warm and fuzzy because of how inclusive we are.
Problem solved. I took a term that originated 33 years ago and made it better.
You’re welcome.
