It’s problem-solving day again. Time to find a solution for something that needs one. Today’s topic: Identifying people who haven’t been vaccinated.
Let me start out by saying that I believe there’s nothing worse than someone who chooses not to be injected with an experimental drug. Who are they to decide if the risks associated with being injected with a vaccine that’s not really a vaccine are worth the benefit? I hate those selfish bastards.
The problem is that they look just like you and me. By being and looking perfectly healthy, to the untrained eye, there’s no easy way to tell them apart from those who have been vaccinated. You can only accurately identify a vaccinated person during the days shortly after they’ve been vaccinated. Because the vaccinated person will most likely be sick with virus-like symptoms, while the unvaccinated person will be healthily going about their business as usual.
So, we need a better solution.
How about if we make everyone carry papers. Something like a “vaccine passport”. If you’re asked to identify yourself as a good citizen, you need to show your passport.
Want to travel? Show your papers. Want to attend a concert? Show your papers. Want to go to a sporting event that you’ve already bought tickets for? Show your papers. Want to have a party? That’s right…show your papers. Of course, you’ll only be allowed to congregate with other vaccinated people because the unvaccinated would be considered…you know…subversive.
If you can’t produce your passport, then you’re not a friend of the State and you’ll lose certain rights. Well, that’s not really true, you’ve already lost those rights, this is just a discussion about how you’d get them loaned back to you.
A vaccine passport won’t work. Because that’s still not easy enough. We need a way to tell at a glance if someone is unclean. That way they can be shunned when necessary.
<thinking…> I’ve got it! How about if we make everyone who hasn’t been vaccinated wear an armband? It could be a white armband with some sort of identifying mark on it. You know, something like what the Nazis made the Jews wear in Poland. Except, instead of a Star of David, we’d use a picture of a virus. We could make it cute so even kids would be OK with wearing it. If everyone who wasn’t vaccinated wore the armband, we could easily identify and discriminate against them.
No, that won’t work. Those unvaccinated bastards are tricky. They’d just take off the armband.
<thinking…thinking…thinking…snaps fingers> OK, OK. I’ve got it. We need something a bit more permanent. Something that won’t come off easily, is hard to fake, and is still readily visible. Let’s give everyone who has been vaccinated a tattoo. It doesn’t have to be much, just a number or something similar that would uniquely identify that person. You know, something like the tattoo that the Nazis gave the Jews.
When someone gets vaccinated, we’d take their picture and tattoo their “personal identifying number” (let’s call it a PIN since they’re already used to that terminology) on their arm. When they want access to the rights we took away from them, we would read their tattoo, enter the number into the system and compare their face to the image we’ve got on file. That could work.
Dammit! That won’t work either. Typing in those numbers each time would be error prone and time consuming. And, if we wasted people’s time while we took away their rights, that would really piss them off.
<thinking> OK. I’ve really got it this time. I know I said that before but this time I really mean it. Instead of tattooing a number, let’s just tattoo a bar code. It’s easily read by a machine and that would really speed things up. Plus, it would solve the privacy issue everyone would be worried about if the “PIN” was easily readable by a casual observer. Why, with a bar code, we’d be able to herd people into a concert like cattle to a slaughterhouse. It would be so convenient that most people wouldn’t even notice it was happening.
Wait, wait, wait. I have a better idea. Instead of a bar code, what if we just injected an NFC (Near Field Communication – like on your credit card) chip in your arm at the same time you’re being vaccinated. After all, people are already there to get injected with something they don’t understand. So, it won’t take much to convince them that they should also get injected with something else they don’t understand.
Bingo! I think we’ve got a plan. Nailed it!
There’s only one problem. People aren’t going to go for it. Because it would trample all over their rights and give government control over nearly every aspect of their lives. That could never happen. Right?
People can’t possibly be stupid enough to allow the government to start segregating us into haves and have-nots. There is no way that people are going to be convinced that they should have to produce papers just to temporarily access their Constitutionally-protected rights. Because a vaccine passport is at the top of a slippery slope that easily leads directly to more and more government overreach.
But we should be OK. As long as we don’t do something silly like create a vaccine passport, we’ll have nothing to worry about.
