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I use software that helps me publish my articles. Every time I publish something, it warns me that the language I use may be too difficult to understand, and that I should rewrite it to make it easier for people to read. And every time, I ignore it.
Apparently, I use words that are too big, sentences that are too long and ideas/concepts that are too complex for the average person to wrap their head around. Because, according to The Literacy Project, the average American reads at the 7th-to-8th-grade level.
That’s a pretty low bar.
More than 90% of adults in the United States have a high school diploma. And yet the average reading and comprehension level is barely the equivalent of that of a 13-year-old. If that doesn’t indicate a failure of our education system, then I don’t know what will.
But just because Big Media dumbs down how it says things, that doesn’t mean I will. I refuse to change the words I use to compensate for the shortcomings of others. I admit, sometimes my stuff isn’t the easiest to follow. But some things are worth working for.
If you’ve grown up speaking English, then you should have no problem with the words I use. You might not agree with them, but you should certainly be able to understand them.
If you can’t. That’s your problem, not mine.
The English language can be hard to learn. One of the reasons is that there are some things that native speakers instinctively know, but people learning English find frustrating.
Take, for example, the phrase “my big fat lazy brown dog”. Is everyone OK with the way that sounds? Good. Now let’s slightly rearrange the words, “my lazy brown fat big dog”. Technically, it’s correct. But to someone who has a good grasp on the English language, it sounds strange.
No one teaches what order in which to put the words, but native English speakers just know.
Mark Forsyth, the author of the book The Elements of Eloquence: How to Turn the Perfect English Phrase, said it like this. “Adjectives, absolutely have to be in this order: opinion-size-age-shape-colour-origin-material-purpose Noun. So, you can have a lovely little old rectangular green French silver whittling knife. But if you mess with that order in the slightest, you’ll sound like a maniac.”
The point I’m trying to make is that there’s an order, a predictability of the English language that everyone has come to expect.
Before I can continue, I have a confession to make. I’m a regular viewer of “My 600-lb Life”. It’s not something I’m proud of, it’s just something that is. Each episode is like watching a train wreck and I can‘t seem to pull my eyes away.
I was reading an article about past patients on the show and ran across this blurb about Amber Rachdi:
”Rachdi lost more than 400 pounds after initially weighing 660 pounds during season 3 in 2015. They revealed via Facebook in February 2019 that they would not be going on TV again until it’s for doing something rad and accomplishing something.”
What? Clearly I was mistaken. I stopped, sort of tilted my head sideways, squinted my eyes, and read it again. Nope. The article clearly referred to a single person as “they”. Which is ridiculous.
Everyone knows the rules. If you have a single person, it’s either “him” or “her”. If you have more than one person, or an unknown quantity of people, you can use “they”.
On the rare occasions when you don’t know if they’re male or female (perhaps you heard them called Terry, Chris or Francis but never met them in person), THEN you can use “they” as singular so you don’t put your foot in your mouth.
He and she are singular. They is plural. If I can’t tell if you’re a man or a woman by looking at you, that’s your problem, not mine. Don’t expect me to compensate for your shortcomings. There’s a specific way that pronouns must be used. If you mess with that, even the slightest bit, you sound like a moron.
Here are a couple examples: Fred sucks at sports. See how they throw the ball? Suzy is a great cook. They are making a cake.
Expecting people to use “they” incorrectly, or to adhere to someone’s made up bullshit personal pronouns, makes learning a difficult language even more difficult.
In 2014 the SATs were dumbed down because apparently expecting high school graduates to actually know things is racist. So, when you purposely bastardize the English language, to appease an extremely small group of people, the result of which makes English even harder to learn, isn’t that also racist?
We need to expect more from people, not less. Instead of lowering the bar, we should be raising it. If we continue down the path of allowing the stupid and foolish to set the rules, then before long stupid and foolish will become all that we strive be. Maybe it already is.
I for one, am not interested in playing that game. I’m not going to lower my writing standards to contribute to the dumbing down of America. Because doing so would be racist. And I will not use incorrect language to reinforce the delusion of a dude who thinks he’s a she, or vice versa.
And if you don’t like it, that’s your problem, not mine.
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