I was at a grocery store last week. My wife and I had made a bet about whether or not the bag of groceries we were buying was going to cost more or less than $100. She took the under and I took the over.
While checking out, I started talking to the cashier. Mostly because she wasn’t wearing a mask and I could actually understand what she was saying. I explained the bet to the cashier as she totaled our purchase at just over $117. She started lamenting about how everything costs so much more than it did just a little while ago. She was specifically upset about the price of gas and groceries.
Figuring she was on the side of facts, logic and reason, I decided to make a snarky comment and said, “well, at least he’s not Trump”. I expected her to appreciate the sarcasm. She didn’t even notice. She looked at me and replied, “Oh, thank God”.
I’m not usually speechless but that one did it. I stood there with my mouth hanging open trying to come up with some sort of a reply. How can someone be so angry about the state of the economy and still believe we’re better off with Biden than we would be with Trump? My wife gave me a look that said, “just shut up and bag the groceries”, which I did, and we left the store. That was a week ago and I’m still finding hard to believe the amount of stupidity possessed by that woman.
I know I complain about Liberals. A lot. They’re shortsighted, argumentative and illogical. But they also have a talent I’m too rational to possess. They have the seemingly endless ability to believe two diametrically opposed concepts at precisely the same time.
I know a few people exactly like that. They seem perfectly happy to argue with everyone else in the room using logic that defies…well…logic.
Let me tell you something Skippy, if you’re the only person in the room who isn’t in agreement, don’t you think that maybe it’s time you reconsidered your opinion? The odds are extremely low that you’re some latent genius whose brilliance hasn’t been discovered yet. It’s much more likely that you’re just wrong.
But getting back to that ability I mentioned to simultaneously believe two opposing views, let’s take another look at that in action.
Let’s say that I’m addicted to porn. I’m not, but for the sake of argument, let’s say that I am. Such an addiction, with its impure thoughts, could wreak havoc with my living life and, if you believe what you’re taught in Sunday school, it could also mess up my afterlife. And this has me pretty concerned. Not enough to stop looking at porn, but enough to where I have a dream about an angel quoting to me the following message from the Bible:
“If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.” Matthew 5:30
Hmm. If I were of not-so-sound mind, that might look like a pretty good solution to my dilemma. I guess I could just stop looking at porn, but that’s really hard to do. So, I’d probably come to the conclusion that gouging out one of my eyes might be a workable alternative.
After all, with only one eye, my depth perception would be pretty much gone. And, hopefully, without my ability to accurately judge size and distance, so would be my debilitating fascination with boobs. Plus, an angel told me to do it. So, I decide that if that’s what it takes to keep me from going to hell, my right eye has to go.
Continuing with this example, I may be crazy, but I’m not crazy enough to dig out my own eye. Instead, I’d go looking for a doctor that would do it for me.
Any guesses what would happen next? In short order, I’d be considered to be a harm to myself and promptly medicated and/or institutionalized. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY would be calling me courageous for trying to mutilate my body to quiet the voices that are telling me to do so.
The same thing would happen if I tried to cut off any other body part. Here’s another little nugget of wisdom from Matthew.
“Wherefore if thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off, and cast them from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life halt or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast into everlasting fire.” Matthew 18:8
This Matthew guy seems to have one go-to solution for everything. And that solution is slicing off a body part. So, it’s entirely possible that someone could hear an angel saying that the Bible says he should mutilate his body to increase his chances of going to heaven. Or, at least think he heard an angel.
But regardless which body part someone wanted to cut off, a guy would be considered insane if he even thought about doing so, and thought to be completely bonkers if he actually tried to go through with it.
Hopefully we can all agree on this point: Someone who cuts off body parts because a little voice told them to, is someone who is one fry short of a Happy Meal.
Now, let’s say instead of a porn addiction, I had this little voice inside my head telling me that I’m actually a woman. I decide that I’m going to listen to the voice and the right solution for me is to grow out my hair, cut off my junk and get some fake boobs implanted. Then, I go looking for a doctor to do the work.
Logic would tell you that I should meet the same fate as I did in my previous example. I should be declared a danger to myself for attempting to mutilate my body. But that’s not what would happen.
For some inexplicable reason, Liberals are able to believe that self-mutilation is bad, while simultaneously believing that self-mutilation is good.
How is someone who wants to get his dangly bits cut off because some voice inside his head is telling him he’s actually a woman any different than the guy who wants to cut off his hand because an angel told him to? There is no difference. Well, there shouldn’t be.
Instead of medicating and/or institutionalizing the Spice Girl wannabe, he’s hailed as a hero for lopping off a body part or three to become his “authentic self”.
I thought about this for a while and then I figured out what’s happening. Apparently, it doesn’t matter what the little voice is saying, it depends on who’s little voice is saying it.
If God sends a message telling someone to hurt themself, that person is considered insane. But if that same person were to hurt himself because he heard the same message from Bruce Jenner or some other GLIBTAQ “celebrity”, that would be OK.
By that logic, me plucking out my eye so I stop looking at boobs is bad. But wanting to have boobs is good.
It takes a special kind of stupid to believe that.
And, unfortunately, Liberals are that special kind of stupid. They’re capable of believing that the Gospel according to Matthew is cuckoo bananas, while simultaneously believing that the Book of Bruce isn’t.
The difference is that the Gospel according to Matthew provides advice on how to get into heaven while the Book of Bruce provides advice on how to get into women’s clothing.
Not familiar with the Book of Bruce? Here’s a relevant passage:
If thy genitals offend thee, cut them off, and cast them from thee. It is better to live without a dick and balls than to have thy package visible whilst wearing Spanx. Bruce 5:30
