Last May, an 18-year-old white guy walked into a supermarket in a primarily black neighborhood of Buffalo, New York, and opened fire. Within minutes the mainstream media and Liberal social media everywhere were saying this was a case of white supremacy.
They were probably right. The assailant (I hate saying “shooter” because that’s biased) was a self-proclaimed white supremacist. Anyone with a lick of sense could put two and two together and come up with the right answer.
Nearly 35 years ago, Salman Rushdie wrote a book called, “The Satanic Verses”. Shortly thereafter, the Supreme Leader of Iran put a contract on Mr. Rushdie. Well, they don’t call it a “contract”, they call it a “fatwa”, but it’s the same thing. If you consider yourself a good radicalized Muslim (not the peaceful kind, which is the majority of Muslims), then it is your duty to kill Salman Rushdie.
I want to pause for a bit and say two things.
First, we need to stop referring to them as “Radicalized Muslims”, or “Muslim Extremists”. Because being called “radical” or “extreme” both sound pretty cool. If you’re a Muslim that believes that honor killings are OK, then you don’t deserve to be called something cool. You deserve to be called what you are. An asshole.
The second thing we’re pausing for me to say is that whenever I hear talk of the “Supreme Leader”, I always think of the leader of The Supremes, which was, of course, Diana Ross. But I’m pretty sure that she didn’t have anything to do with putting a price on Salman Rushdie’s head.
Aaannnnnd…unpause.
Now, keep in mind, I did say only the Muslim assholes were out to get him. And I think we can all agree that they represent only a very small percentage of all Muslims worldwide. But there are nearly 2 billion Muslims in the world. If only .01% of them, which by anyone’s reckoning is a very small percentage, are assholes, that still leaves 200,000 assholes who are maniacally driven to kill Salman Rushdie.
So, for the last 35 years, he has lived in constant fear of being killed…for writing a book.
This past week, a guy ran up on stage where Mr. Rushdie was giving a speech and stabbed him at least ten times in the stomach, neck and head. The doctors believe he’ll live but will likely lose an eye.
The motive? I think it’s pretty clear. Anyone with a lick of sense could put two and two together and come up with the right answer.
Several days after it happened, I read an article that said, and I kid you not, “it’s unclear what the attacker’s motive was.”
Really?
First of all, if you’re going to refer to someone using a gun as a “shooter”, then you should also call someone using a knife a “stabber”.
Secondly, Mr. Rushdie’s stabber’s social media accounts show he’s a supporter of “Shia extremism”. And the people in charge of Shia extremism were the assholes who put a target on Salman Rushdie in the first place.
The media has essentially the same information about this stabber as they did about the shooter in Buffalo. But the guy in Buffalo was immediately branded a white supremacist while the Media seems to be utterly confounded about what could possibly motivate a Shia-extremist radicalized Muslim asshole to kill Salman Rushdie.
Really.
I’m not an expert on Islam nor the Middle East, but to this casual observer, I’d say that maybe…just maybe…the stabber tried to kill Salman Rushdie because he was told to kill him, not by Diana Ross, but by an asshole Muslim Supreme Leader.
Iran claims that they had nothing to do with it.
Yeah. Right.
The current Supreme Leader of Iran has been in charge for just over 33 years. I realize he’s been busy, what with coordinating the terrorist activities of all the other Muslim assholes in the world, but I still think he had plenty of time to call “olley olley oxen free”.
Iran can claim innocence all they want, but the kill order on Salmon Rushdie is still in effect. And as long as it is, if even the slightest thing happens to him, it’s Iran’s fault. End of discussion.
Now, the guy in Buffalo was indicted on a bunch of things, including murder as a hate crime. But the asshole Muslim stabber that attacked Mr. Rushdie? I can already hear it. The same people who have fought against prayer in public schools and support the censorship of Conservative ideas, will be claiming that it wasn’t a hate crime. No, the stabber was simply exercising his rights to freedom of religion and freedom of speech. By expressing his religious beliefs by trying to cut someone’s head off.
That hasn’t happened yet but just the fact that we’re all thinking that it could is a good example of how crazy Liberal thinking has become.
The problem with fighting Muslim assholes is that they take things literally.
Their interpretation of the Koran leads them to believe that something as simple as sketching a picture of the Prophet Mohammad is punishable by death. And Muslim assholes have carried out that punishment many times over the years.
Muslim assholes aren’t particularly afraid to die because they believe they’ll be rewarded with “seventy-two virgins” to enjoy in blissful ecstasy. So, the death penalty or suicide by cop doesn’t scare them because they believe the reward is greater than the risk.
Which, if you think about it, the whole seventy-two virgin thing would only be true for, at most, seventy-two times at bat. Then what are you going to do for the rest of eternity when those seventy-two no-longer-virgins all start to complain at the same time about how you never take them anywhere nice?
Here’s the thing. The Koran was written in Ancient Arabic. So, unless you can fluently read Ancient Arabic, you have no idea what the Koran actually says. If you’re reading a translation, you’re not reading the word of Mohammad, you’re reading what someone told you Mohammad said.
But the Muslim assholes take the translated version literally because they’ve been told to take it literally. Just like they were told to kill Salman Rushdie. And they don’t care what happens to them because they believe they’ll be rewarded with those seventy-two virgins.
Since the Muslim assholes are punishing non-believing people for not following the words of the Koran, they must believe that even non-believers can enjoy the same benefits for eternity. They have to believe that as long as someone believes strongly enough in their cause, they’ll be rewarded. And that includes getting their fair share of virgins.
New York doesn’t have the death penalty, so the Buffalo shooter is going to end up spending the rest of his life in prison. As will Salman Rushdie’s stabber.
I have an idea. I say we create a special prison to hold grocery-store-shooting white supremacists, suicide bombers, book-fearing stabbers, Muslim assholes and anyone else who believes they’re doing the work of a higher power.
Then we put seventy-three of them in a big cell and watch what happens.
Because life in prison is going to feel like an eternity. And those seventy-two virgins have to come from somewhere.
