Have you ever heard the phrase, “In what universe does that make sense?” It’s usually used to refer to something so outrageous that it couldn’t possibly be true. Here are two things that shouldn’t make sense to anyone in this universe, but apparently do. At least to some people.
Guaranteed Highest Price
After decades of faithful service, my left knee is wearing out. I can’t run anymore, and it’s gotten to a point where long walks give me problems. So, it’s time to get it fixed.
I met with an orthopedic surgeon, and she recommended an MRI. So far so good. All that had to happen was that they needed to prequalify the procedure with my insurance company.
I just got off the phone with the MRI scheduler. She informed me that, because I haven’t met my deductible for the year, my bill would be $548. OK. That sounds like a lot, but I have insurance so at least I’m not paying the full amount.
When I finished scheduling my appointments, I asked, “I’m just curious, what would an MRI cost me if I didn’t have insurance?” I figured that knowing that amount would make me feel better about paying insurance premiums every month and still having to pay $548.
Her answer? “$400”
I thought to myself, clearly we’re not communicating. Let me try again.
I said, “Wait a second. If I didn’t have insurance, you’d charge me $400. But, because I have insurance, you’re charging me $548. Is that right?”
“Yes. Because you haven’t met your deductible”.
I thought, OK. Maybe I’m just not paying attention. Because what I heard doesn’t compute.
I tried again, “I’m not trying to be difficult. I just want to make sure I understand what you’re saying. If I walked in off the street, asked for an MRI, and told you I wanted to pay for it out of my own pocket, you’d charge me $400 for the procedure. Am I right so far”?
“Yes.”
“But, because I told you I have insurance, you’re going to charge me $550.”
“We’ll only charge you $548 but that’s because you haven’t met your deductible. If you had met your deductible, we would have only charged you 20% of the total amount.”
To which I said, “I’m sure you believe that what you just said makes sense. But to any reasonable person, what you’re saying is insane.”
I don’t understand how this makes any sense. My out-of-pocket expense should be no greater than what someone without insurance would pay. In fact, it should be less. But I didn’t get a choice. Once I flashed my insurance card, the clinic was guaranteed the higher price.
There are a couple things that might be going on here. The first of which is that whoever is negotiating these prices for the insurance company is really bad at her job. I say “her” not because I know who did the negotiating, but because that’s how I imagine it in my head.
Presumably the insurance company is negotiating with the care provider on my behalf. They’re supposed to be able to get the lowest price because they deal with high numbers of transactions. If I were negotiating the deal, I would have first found out what the walk-in rate for an MRI is, and then I would have paid less. But instead, they negotiated a price that’s 37% higher than a walk-in patient would pay.
It reminds me of the old joke where a salesman was being reprimanded for selling items below cost. His reply, “Sure, we lose money on every sale, but we’re going to make up for it in volume.”
Another possibility is that the clinic is trying to make their services more affordable for people without insurance. Now, here in California, and probably other places, healthcare insurance is mandatory. It’s illegal for someone not to have health insurance. Can’t afford it? No problem. The state of California will give it to you for free. So, unless you’re someone who wants to fly below the radar, like an illegal alien, there’s no reason for you NOT to have insurance.
But let’s say the clinic is trying to make healthcare more affordable for illegal aliens, who’s paying for it? I think that’s pretty obvious. I am. Or, I should probably say, we are.
The money to give illegal aliens $400 MRI’s comes partly from the excess being charged to insurance companies. And the insurance companies certainly aren’t going to lose money. So, they pass the cost on to us in the form of higher premiums.
And, if it stopped there, it would be bad enough.
But, I haven’t met my deductible, so I get to pay 37% more for the procedure than a guy walking in out of the strawberry fields. As for the bubbleheaded logic that things would have been better if I had met my deductible. Sure, with my deductible met, I would pay about $110 instead of $548. But I should be paying only $80. Which is 20% of $400. Which means I would still be paying 37% more than I should.
So, essentially, I’m paying a hidden “tax” of 37% which is being used to fund the healthcare for illegal aliens.
And people wonder why medical costs are so high.
Vowel Movement
I’ve been called “Mike” my entire life. It’s my name. Well, technically, my name is “Michael”, but nobody calls me that.
Let’s say that one day I decided I wanted everyone to call me “Michael”. It’s not out of the question, after all, I was born “Michael”. So, I demanded of everyone I work with that “Mike” is no longer acceptable and that they should immediately refer to me as “Michael”. I didn’t ask nicely. I demanded.
Further, I informed them that to not use my preferred name is an act of aggression, and by doing so they’d be responsible for creating a hostile workplace environment.
Some people will do it, and some won’t. Not everybody likes to be told what they have to do. And some people would look at me and think, “what a pretentious little shit”.
Now, let’s say that one of my coworkers, I’ll call him “Fred”, was one of those people who didn’t listen. He may also think I’m a pretentious little shit, but that’s not important. Instead of calling me my newly-preferred name, “Michael”, he kept calling me “Mike”. What’s more, I think he does it on purpose.
And that hurts my feelings.
There wouldn’t be much I could do about it. I could ask people politely to call me “Michael”, but nobody would really have to. After all, there’s no law saying that people must refer to me by the name I prefer. Even though it happens to be true, and I am, technically, more “Michael” than I am “Mike”.
Oh, sure, I could go to HR and complain. But other than maybe getting me new business cards, it’s not like they’d do anything to support me. My manager would take me aside and inform me that Fred calling me “Mike” is definitely not an act of aggression and doesn’t have a single thing to do with creating a hostile workplace environment.
In short, I would be told to grow a pair and stop being a dick.
I would likely be branded a troublemaker and a high-maintenance employee. Nobody would want me on their team. However, to keep me from pitching hissy fits, and stop me from bitching about Fred all the time about, Debbie from HR would probably talk to Fred and ask him if he’d please try to remember to call me “Michael”.
And Fred either will, or he won’t. I mean, it’s not like they’d fire Fred because he didn’t use my preferred name.
Short story, if I started demanding that people call me something that I actually am, I’d look like a jerk and would probably find myself out of a job in short order.
But if I said I wanted to be called “Michelle”? Well, that’s a different story. As soon as I say I want to be called “Michelle”, which is something I’m not, Fred would be hauled in front of HR and reprimanded for not calling me “Michelle”. He’d probably have to sit through hours of sensitivity and reeducation training.
And, if he continued to call me “Mike”, or even “Michael”, he’d be fired. Because if I’m pretending to be a woman, Fred would definitely be assaulting me with his words and absolutely creating a hostile workplace environment.
Same thing if my name was Frank. If I wanted people to suddenly start calling me Francis, which is a man’s name, I’m on my own. But if I suddenly wanted people to start calling me Frances, which is a woman’s name, then I’d have the power of Federal, state and local governments, and the company I work for, behind me.
All I’d have to do is say that I identify as a woman and all hell would rain down on Fred in a shit-storm of fury. I wouldn’t have to change a single thing about myself. I’d even keep my beard. But the change of a single vowel is the difference between total indifference and overwhelming concern.
In other words, Fred can’t be fired for not calling me what I am, but he can be fired for not calling me what I’m pretending to be.
And there you have it. Two things that shouldn’t make sense in any universe. Especially not this one.
